Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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