i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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