I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
