Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
