i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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