i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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