OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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