I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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