oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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