So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
