is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im holly from the hills drunk
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize