Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize