If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just high enough for therapy.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
