Already got asked if we're dating
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
