Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
