I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize