I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
