you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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