I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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