my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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