hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
