Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize