a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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