my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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