I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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