guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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