i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Sober January is a disaster.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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