If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
