Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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