found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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