Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
