The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
