Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
