My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
only if we run a train.
done.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I AM VODKA MAN
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
