I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
