My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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