I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I smell stomach acid.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
