My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
