Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize