whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
