I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
