I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
