winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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