I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
