So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
