'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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