Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
