***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
