How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
