i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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