We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
