shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
