if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
