True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
