my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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