dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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