You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
