Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
