the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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