I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
