The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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