my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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