Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
