o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
