when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
