Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize