I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
