I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
