This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
