I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
